A dish best served cold

Most people agree that the funniest section of the newspaper is the comics. But not my sister. She always gets a good chuckle out of the Weather page, particularly around this time of year. "A low of 37 degrees tonight," she said aloud this morning. She glanced at the nearest thermostat, which read 59 degrees. My sister's policy on indoor heating: So long as it's warmer inside than out, the heat remains off.

Seasons may change, but not D. She's the same greedy, cold-blooded wench she's always been. In fact, it's this last quality that allows her to thrive under the frigid, inhuman conditions she so enthusiastically imposes upon her tenants.