Fear

D is getting the guitine ready. She can smell the stench of organization. She went to the roof last night and quivered with fear. No one can see her on the roof, or so she thinks.

Cold hearted bitch

So while she was out roaming the building, I read my sister's journal!

I sense revolution brews in the hearts of my people -- but I do not live in fear. I will deprive them of the heat necessary for survival in the upcoming winter months. Even mighty Napoleon's army succumbed to the Russian cold. The weak among them will die, and the strength of their leaders will deteriorate until they are no longer a threat.

The seeds of revolution may have been planted, but they cannot withstand the frost.

Usually, she likes to rain on people's parades; I guess this time it's more like snow!

A dish best served cold

Most people agree that the funniest section of the newspaper is the comics. But not my sister. She always gets a good chuckle out of the Weather page, particularly around this time of year. "A low of 37 degrees tonight," she said aloud this morning. She glanced at the nearest thermostat, which read 59 degrees. My sister's policy on indoor heating: So long as it's warmer inside than out, the heat remains off.

Seasons may change, but not D. She's the same greedy, cold-blooded wench she's always been. In fact, it's this last quality that allows her to thrive under the frigid, inhuman conditions she so enthusiastically imposes upon her tenants.

Missing person

Where is Katherine Kelly? I saw her face on a milk carton. Has she been found yet? I am deeply worried. I wonder if she will pop up anywhere. Perhaps the Airforce.

Cats and Dogs

Its raining. I hope the roof doesn't leak. I'm just not strong enough to handle her backhand today.

My fingers hurt so bad I can barely type!

There's nothing D. likes more than power, so when she heard that "knowledge is power," she immediately teleported to the family library, located in the laundry room. She found a copy of Rumplestiltskin -- and became inspired. She purchased an old spinning wheel and demanded I spend the day weaving straw into gold. Booooring.

My sister has always accused me of being the impractical dreamer in the family, but I guess everything's practical when you have all that power.

Ouch

I won't get into details as to why I stuck my hand through the office mail slot this morning. Let's just say it's not what you think, OK?

Anyway, I just got back from Sibley, where I received five stitches on the palm of my right hand. Apparently when my sister saw something other than a rent check poking through the slot this morning, she attacked. I swear, I think she files her dentures.

I hate her.

Book of Life and Money

D views Jews as her prime competition as real-estate moguls. Though, no one is as cheap as D.

You may know that yesterday was the Day of Atonement or Yom Kippur for the Jews. They are, among other things, forbidden to go to work. D sees this as a prime opportunity to try and get out there and do some dirty work. Needless to say she was very busy yesterday with her sabotaging and self promoting efforts.

I was forced to prepare Molotov cocktails for D. She then threw them at select competitive buildings she knows are run by Jews. During the attack D covered her lincense plate with an embroidered cloth that said "Hail Hitler." It’s a good thing the security cameras in DC aren’t worth shit.

More like Ms. P.!

An overwhelming stench of sulfur marks the presence of the devil. My sister has done business with him, and let me tell you, the building stinks for quite a few hours after he's gone!

D.'s no devil, but she's certainly a capitalist pig. That button-nose is actually a cute little pig nose. Whenever she explores a tenant's quarters, the apartment stinks of bacon -- the fattiest form of pork, incidentally.