My sister needs a hobby

Happy Monday, everyone! What a strange weekend. Where should I begin?

Let's start with my sister, since my life revolves around her, for all intents and purposes. D. prides herself on maintaining a "European" work schedule; she works only one day a month, usually the first. With nothing to do otherwise, my sister usually occupies herself with such extracurricular activities as advanced decoupage, crank-calls to Charles E. Smith, mail fraud... and ME! That's right - to my dismay, D. routinely takes out her boredom on little old me. Somtimes I benefit from the unwanted attention, and sometimes I do not.

For instance, D. knocked on my door this weekend and surprised me with a new, black, extra-large suitcase - perfect for moving the rest of my Pope portraits from the fifth floor! D. warned me not to leave the suitcase unattended in the laundry room, lest someone steals it. What does my sister take me for - a retard?

But like I said, my sister can sometimes be unintentionally hurtful. This morning she accused me of attempting to break into her mailbox. I know that's where she stores her jewels, but I would never in a million years try to take them. A million-and-one years ago, I tried and learned my lesson.